I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
