Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize