You're my little dorito
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
