i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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