somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize