i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Shame - the story of my life.
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