McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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