I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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