Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
