Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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