I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
