Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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