worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
