Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
