Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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