She's JV to your varsity
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
