I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Found your dick twin last night
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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