oh god the rape fog is back!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
