the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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