she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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