so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
no, he came in my armpit
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We need to feng shui this bitch.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
