the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize