I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
