I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We got so high we made milksteak
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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