there's paper in my vomit.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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