Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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