my sisters under your porch take her home
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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