Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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