You're so nebulous sometimes
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
