there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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