i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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