i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
