You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
