he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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