So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
