Christians are straight up FREAKS
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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