O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize