My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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