Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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