He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
