Why does Corona taste like a burp?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
