I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
