I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
