that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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