Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I have fence marks all over my body
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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