Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
