in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Randomize
