Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize