You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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