He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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