3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
