Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
