Screwed.edu
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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