I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
