My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
