Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Let's get the cat blown out
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
