I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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