remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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