I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
