no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
