next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
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