I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
