Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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