even my farts smell like vagina
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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