Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
