I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
