dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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