nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
