I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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