I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
