i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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