Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
